People will never understand

Not Easter Sunday but the Sunday before that I started on something called Methotrexate also known as MTX. I was completely fine with the idea of taking it until I decided to read about what it was. It scared me half to death not just because of what it could do to me but what it could do to my future children. I would absolutely hate my self if my children had problems because of a substance that I was putting in to my body. I intend to talk to my rheumy in Aug. when I see her next. For now worrying about that stuff isn't going to do any good to any one. So far I have noticed the extreme fatigue and fever and nauseous feeling but so far it hasn't gotten to bad to where I cant handle it.

A couple nights ago I was taking a nap on the couch because I was completely exhausted and was already getting warm. When I woke up I was completely soaked and my nose started bleeding. I took my faïence home and came back and took a shower and went to bed and slept all night long. I was still worn out when I woke up the next morning but I had stuff do do. I never really have time to just rest all day. Normally I end up just going and going till I get to sick and have to stop.

My assistant at the church that helps me with the sound system asked me Sunday if we could work on the system today and I had to say no because I just haven't felt well enough to handle it. My grand father that I live with asked me If we were suppose to go out and work on it and I said no because it isnt a good week for it. He said next week isn't going to be any better because Amber will be here for the summer as if that was the reason why I didn't go this time. My family sees how sick I get why cant they get this in there heads. It really isnt that hard to understand. Some times I just think they are oblivious to what goes on.

Irritated

Today I got a call from my Doctors office saying that he wouldn't be coming in today. If this was a normal appointment I wouldn't mind but I was going to get results from blood test and xrays because I am flaring. I am currently out of Preds and an will be out of my anti inflammatory some time next week. I don't see how someone that takes care of peoples medical health can just not come in with out reason.

I really don't want to deal with people so I am going to try to get in to my Rheumy some time soon. It might be as soon as Monday. I could have gotten in on thursday but I work that day and cant afford to take the day off. Right now im so shaken that I cant think straight so im done. Grr

blood pocket

A couple days ago I just covered would appears to be a pocket of blood on inside upper part of my left leg. I figured it would eventually just sore back in my body and go away. Two days later this pocket burst open and poured out a lot of very dark colored blood. I'm not sure what this means yet but I don't plan on going to any Dr. for it unless things seem to get worse. if this had happened before I got sick I probably would've freaked out but after everything I've been through nothing really surprises me anymore. For the most part I even have trouble finding things that are worth blogging about. Has anything like this happen to you before? If so leave a comment and/or tweet me on twitter @msapp2 . I would prefer you at least leave a comment on this blog because by doing so this would add helpful information that others may find useful if they are having issues as well. I guess that's all for now I think this is the fourth or fifth post that I've blogged since around one o'clock this morning between both of my blogs. Leave me something if you have anything. God bless and many spoons

grumble, grumble, rawr, rawr

I'm sitting here thinking that it's hard to blog about what's going on medically when I don't even know myself. I had an ultrasound and the beginning of October and didn't get the results till December. Then I had a CAT scan x-ray in December and by results on the CTA via voicemail two weeks later. Still know it from my neck I think that gives me more pain than anything else anymore. Really getting irritated with the fact that it takes so long to get results on anything and even when my doctor has results they won't call me and let me know. I mean some is that Scott is serious in Arabic I didn't know instead of me worrying about it and still have to work in to whatever it is I have to do. I don't mean to sound whiny but this is never something I ever intended to deal with my life and I would preferred to go at least as smoothly as it possibly can. How hard is it really? It's not like the guys incredibly busy the only managed to fit in 15 patients a day can much more than that. I don't get in for sometimes an hour and a half from my appointments are the past. Do they think on a weighted doctor's office all day. I don't think so!

Now I have to get a rethink switched over to express scripts because my company changed insurances and that's you have to go through now because they own anthem. I like my prescriptions were where they were not no one have to pay the full payment because I just can't afford that. Well that's enough complaining from me today I'm tired and dated sounds really good right now. Guess I'll try to sleep thing tomorrow. Good night

Addiction to over pushing

This week maybe last week I dont even know right now. Its just been crazy. I barely even remember any thing. swing shift. heavy days at work . then they tried scheduling me to work just 7 hours after getting off work and I finally said that theres no way. so after I go back for 2 more days I am talking an other day off to recover. Right now I'm very tired , my hands hurt and my carpel tunnel is acting up so I'm in a brace at the moment.

Im sorry I haven't written in a while on this blog I lost the password for a while and the server was down when I tried to reset it. I have been writing in my other blog on word press but thats just a general blog. Ive been doing allot of reading lately so I get caught up in that at times but its good to be back on here. Im going to go for now but I hope to be back to writing soon some times I just forget that I have limits. I'm very much a fighter and some times I just dont know when to take a break.

new position at Panera

Last week I talked to my manager about changing departments. so the next day I was trained for the job and on my own for the next 2 days. although very tired and in pain I got through it. I called today to find out what was going on with my job for this week because nothing had been said. I was told I got the spot and they are going to change that departments scheduling for me. as of this week I work Wednesday and Thursday 11:00am- 9:30 pm in my old department then I'm off friday so I can sleep then saturday and Sunday I work 5pm-3:30am then I'm off for 2 days! this will give me better pay and I'm not in the same department that I've been in for 3 years!! I'm really happy about that because my old job was to hard on my body. I still work for the same company but different area. All it took was going in and explaining to my manager that my current area wasn't healthy for me any longer and I wanted a that spot because it would be better for me and the company in the long run. I try not to advance just because I have lupus but it did help because it was ether I get put somewhere else or I would have to be quitting and I don't like to quit. although I work in the cooler that really isn't good for me eather it's the better of the two. so if any one else feels stuck remember "if you don't like it change it".

it's not permanent at this time but eventually will be. it's a start in the right direction and I'm moving forward.

-Matthew Sapp-