People will never understand

Not Easter Sunday but the Sunday before that I started on something called Methotrexate also known as MTX. I was completely fine with the idea of taking it until I decided to read about what it was. It scared me half to death not just because of what it could do to me but what it could do to my future children. I would absolutely hate my self if my children had problems because of a substance that I was putting in to my body. I intend to talk to my rheumy in Aug. when I see her next. For now worrying about that stuff isn't going to do any good to any one. So far I have noticed the extreme fatigue and fever and nauseous feeling but so far it hasn't gotten to bad to where I cant handle it.

A couple nights ago I was taking a nap on the couch because I was completely exhausted and was already getting warm. When I woke up I was completely soaked and my nose started bleeding. I took my faïence home and came back and took a shower and went to bed and slept all night long. I was still worn out when I woke up the next morning but I had stuff do do. I never really have time to just rest all day. Normally I end up just going and going till I get to sick and have to stop.

My assistant at the church that helps me with the sound system asked me Sunday if we could work on the system today and I had to say no because I just haven't felt well enough to handle it. My grand father that I live with asked me If we were suppose to go out and work on it and I said no because it isnt a good week for it. He said next week isn't going to be any better because Amber will be here for the summer as if that was the reason why I didn't go this time. My family sees how sick I get why cant they get this in there heads. It really isnt that hard to understand. Some times I just think they are oblivious to what goes on.

Irritated

Today I got a call from my Doctors office saying that he wouldn't be coming in today. If this was a normal appointment I wouldn't mind but I was going to get results from blood test and xrays because I am flaring. I am currently out of Preds and an will be out of my anti inflammatory some time next week. I don't see how someone that takes care of peoples medical health can just not come in with out reason.

I really don't want to deal with people so I am going to try to get in to my Rheumy some time soon. It might be as soon as Monday. I could have gotten in on thursday but I work that day and cant afford to take the day off. Right now im so shaken that I cant think straight so im done. Grr

blood pocket

A couple days ago I just covered would appears to be a pocket of blood on inside upper part of my left leg. I figured it would eventually just sore back in my body and go away. Two days later this pocket burst open and poured out a lot of very dark colored blood. I'm not sure what this means yet but I don't plan on going to any Dr. for it unless things seem to get worse. if this had happened before I got sick I probably would've freaked out but after everything I've been through nothing really surprises me anymore. For the most part I even have trouble finding things that are worth blogging about. Has anything like this happen to you before? If so leave a comment and/or tweet me on twitter @msapp2 . I would prefer you at least leave a comment on this blog because by doing so this would add helpful information that others may find useful if they are having issues as well. I guess that's all for now I think this is the fourth or fifth post that I've blogged since around one o'clock this morning between both of my blogs. Leave me something if you have anything. God bless and many spoons

get it together doc!!

I went to the doctors today defined out what my PTI and are is so I know if I need to cut back on salads and other stuff like that. When I got called back I found out that I also had a doctors appointment that day so the doctor could talk to me about my CTA and x-rays. I didn't think of it because they left a message on my voicemail saying that my CTA was okay. I was a little bit irritated in the fact that I only plan on being there forabout 15 or 20 min. But it turned out that I was there for about two hours in which I could've been doing other things and enjoying my days off.

I didn't even bring my Kindle because I didn't think it would take long enough text to get anywhere in the book. So I listen to the newspaper and talk to a few other people that were there waiting. It went of in this bathroom is my fault that I just forgot that had in the ointment that day but no one seemed to know. My nurse was surprised and so was my doctor. Even those his writing that said to see the doctor on this date. So they put me in the lab until I can get a room for me. I am not pleased how lab. My doctor doesn't even use that lab even though it's is building that he rents to the other doctors. When he sent me for lab work have to clear the trouble lab than have them send it back.

I went in there thinking it wouldn't take too long so I didn't take my example inventory that mornings I figure out back before my migraine got too bad. But by the time I saw the doctor I was saying to myself "please don't throw up on here". How could they have overlooked that really. It wasn't even documented in the same area that my nurse visit was documented./Or all that stress of going through that my headache is got worse and worse and outages ready to go home and take a pill and then we went out to you with my aunt and the tension is finally starting to go way. Sorry for ranting this just really hear it hated me.

Doctors Appointments: More hassle then necessary

Today at 12:15pm I had a Dr. appointment with my MD. I had an appointment last Tuesday but I forgot about it and missed it. The point of this appointment when it was made was to have my ptinr check and for my 3 month check up and to go over the results for my ultrasound 2 months ago. I got there about 10 min after 12:00 and signed in and started listening to the audio-book The Twelfth Imam which I have on my iphone from audible.com. While in the Dr I also talked to him about getting something from my cold or what ever it is I have and to order a scan on my neck that has been giving me a ton of problems. I got an anti- inflammatory script for that and an anti- biotic for my cold.

All that went fine after I got them moving on it. The problem being it took an hour and 45 min. just to see the Dr for 10 min. Then I had to work to keep my Dr on track on every thing I needed to talk to him about before he left the room. Theres no way I should have to do that. I pay him not the other way around. Do the job your paid to do. The guy makes a fortune because he not only has his medical stuff but he also owns the building and 3 or 4 other doctors rent off of him to use the office. some times I want to hit people on the head with a golf club. Sorry for ranting just really irritated today.

ultrasound

tomorrow morning I have to be up at seven o'clock security for an ultrasound checking my arteries see if I have any new blockages due to the fact that I have lupus anticoagulant disorder. Starting about 19 min. I have to fast until after the test. I really don't like to fast because I just like the minds not go hungry just because I can. After that test about to come home get some breakfast take my medicine and go to work and hopefully make it for time to clock in. I talked to my manager about it and she said that I could come in a little later I needed to. I really don't want to be late by you my company that because I start at 11 o'clock then have to work till 930 that night. I'm been retired because of this and it's only the first day of my workweek.

I'm really hoping for an easy week but that never happens. But with any luck I should get started reading the next book on my reading list. Is it bad that I was thinking yesterday I be easier to be like the Collins in the twilight series so I never have to sleep.I would get so much more done sleeping really seems to waste a lot of my day. Plan on getting more rating done tonight I don't stay up too late the site have an early start tomorrow.

Movie review: Love Simple

About a week ago I was contacted by producer John Casey. I was asked if I would be interested in doing a review for the movie Love Simple. I couldn't pass it up. I received my copy on Friday and watched it on the first day off that I had.

I absolutely loved the film. I felt that I could really relate to the characters having Lupus my self. I felt that it really hit on what its like to have these inviable illnesses and how people react when they find out. Seta(Patrizia Hernandez) and Adam( Francisco Solorzano)started there relationship based on lies. Not because they didn't think the other person would like the real them but because they didn't like the reality of there lives. The story unfolds with the help of the best friends Keith(Caitlin Fitzgerald) and Jesse(John Harlacher). Watch and see how all the lies completely collapses and they are forced to face the truth. Look this movie up on itunes at http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewMovie?id=371635001&s=143441 or buy a copy as it goes international. Check out http://www.facebook.com/lovesimplemovie

Addiction to over pushing

This week maybe last week I dont even know right now. Its just been crazy. I barely even remember any thing. swing shift. heavy days at work . then they tried scheduling me to work just 7 hours after getting off work and I finally said that theres no way. so after I go back for 2 more days I am talking an other day off to recover. Right now I'm very tired , my hands hurt and my carpel tunnel is acting up so I'm in a brace at the moment.

Im sorry I haven't written in a while on this blog I lost the password for a while and the server was down when I tried to reset it. I have been writing in my other blog on word press but thats just a general blog. Ive been doing allot of reading lately so I get caught up in that at times but its good to be back on here. Im going to go for now but I hope to be back to writing soon some times I just forget that I have limits. I'm very much a fighter and some times I just dont know when to take a break.

new position at Panera

Last week I talked to my manager about changing departments. so the next day I was trained for the job and on my own for the next 2 days. although very tired and in pain I got through it. I called today to find out what was going on with my job for this week because nothing had been said. I was told I got the spot and they are going to change that departments scheduling for me. as of this week I work Wednesday and Thursday 11:00am- 9:30 pm in my old department then I'm off friday so I can sleep then saturday and Sunday I work 5pm-3:30am then I'm off for 2 days! this will give me better pay and I'm not in the same department that I've been in for 3 years!! I'm really happy about that because my old job was to hard on my body. I still work for the same company but different area. All it took was going in and explaining to my manager that my current area wasn't healthy for me any longer and I wanted a that spot because it would be better for me and the company in the long run. I try not to advance just because I have lupus but it did help because it was ether I get put somewhere else or I would have to be quitting and I don't like to quit. although I work in the cooler that really isn't good for me eather it's the better of the two. so if any one else feels stuck remember "if you don't like it change it".

it's not permanent at this time but eventually will be. it's a start in the right direction and I'm moving forward.

-Matthew Sapp-

Know when to say no

Today was busy with having a meeting at Borders bookstore with my financial advisor then spending time with my future wife then we both went to the church to work the first day of Vacation Bible School. I'm very tired and sore right now. Along with many other people I have a problem with saying no. Its just not in my nature to say no to people when stuff needs done but I'm learning that as much as I don't want to I need to take things slower. I'm not really a workaholic or any thing because I work 4 10 hour days a week and thats enough for me but as soon as someone asked if I can do something its like I cant resist. I always want to get more done and cram more in to a day but its just becoming harder because I don't want to risk taking my self out for days at a time by over doing it. Some times having lupus makes me thing of Scruges partner in the Christmas story. He had to drag that chain around every where he went and some times it does feel like that. I don't know if any one else understands what I'm talking about but thats just what was on my mind tonight.

To much sun at the fair

On Tuesday I got called in to work for a few ours because of call offs. After I got off me and my family went to the fair. it was a beautiful day out with the sun out and it was warm. I put SPF50 on all over except my face :(. I guess I should have thought about that. I was already kind of tired from work then I walked around all day and got sun burnt. I know it was completely my falt but sometimes I just want to be careless and not have to think about lupus. Allot of people really take for granted how easy there every day life is. If they get burnt they just peel and that's all but today I've felt sick and my whole body hurts and I still had to get all my work done. After I finally got off the clock the midnight guy decided to flip out on me for slacking off. I've explained things to him before but some people are to uneducated to understand and to stubborn to learn .


-Matthew Sapp-