People will never understand

Not Easter Sunday but the Sunday before that I started on something called Methotrexate also known as MTX. I was completely fine with the idea of taking it until I decided to read about what it was. It scared me half to death not just because of what it could do to me but what it could do to my future children. I would absolutely hate my self if my children had problems because of a substance that I was putting in to my body. I intend to talk to my rheumy in Aug. when I see her next. For now worrying about that stuff isn't going to do any good to any one. So far I have noticed the extreme fatigue and fever and nauseous feeling but so far it hasn't gotten to bad to where I cant handle it.

A couple nights ago I was taking a nap on the couch because I was completely exhausted and was already getting warm. When I woke up I was completely soaked and my nose started bleeding. I took my faïence home and came back and took a shower and went to bed and slept all night long. I was still worn out when I woke up the next morning but I had stuff do do. I never really have time to just rest all day. Normally I end up just going and going till I get to sick and have to stop.

My assistant at the church that helps me with the sound system asked me Sunday if we could work on the system today and I had to say no because I just haven't felt well enough to handle it. My grand father that I live with asked me If we were suppose to go out and work on it and I said no because it isnt a good week for it. He said next week isn't going to be any better because Amber will be here for the summer as if that was the reason why I didn't go this time. My family sees how sick I get why cant they get this in there heads. It really isnt that hard to understand. Some times I just think they are oblivious to what goes on.